Numbers on the scale DO scare me.

I went to the doctor's office once for a general check up. No specific health related reason Why I was there. My doctor was a weight loss Natzi - in a good way. She was very adamant about everyone being in a healthy weight range. I trusted her because she was a young Black woman and didn't force 135lbs on me but knew that at 301.1lbs, I needed to shed some of this excess. 

I knew "the talk" was coming when she walked into the exam room. I'd had it a hundred times before with her. But with the number 301.1 burned into my mind, I felt like she was coming to bring me news of a fatal illness. As soon as she walked into the room, I broke down and cried. I felt crazy because the woman hadn't even said anything to me yet. She barely looked me in my eyes when I began to cry. 

That was my moment. A turning point for me.  

Those of you who know me, or follow me on Instagram at the least, know that two years ago, I lost 45 lbs. It was the most weight I've ever lost. I'd given up meat, I worked out five times a week and my diet was on point! But, here I am two years later, at the back door of the 300 club. Where I said I'd never be again. Where disease and health conditions stare me in the face and heart attacks threaten me at night. My clothes don't fit anymore and I am simply uncomfortable in my body.  

So, you can imagine my disappointment after a whole week of eating better and working out heavy, I step on the scale and see +2 lbs. Before you give me the "but muscle is heavier than fat" speech or the "but you should see how your clothes fit" speech, consider where we are. I currently weigh 295.2 lbs. Again, diseases linger at this weight. Those 2 lbs mean everything to me. They are literally the difference between life and death. 

So, yes, the scale does scare me. I try my hardest not to be discouraged. But I won't act like the numbers on that scale don't mean something to me. Because they do. They represent the likelihood that I'll carry my babies full term in a healthy pregnancy. They represent the likelihood that I'll live to see my grandchildren grow up and be able to actually play with them. They represent some pretty heavy stuff for me. So please, don't dismiss my feelings about them by telling me that muscle weighs more than fat. I know my own body and I know damn well it isn't muscle that's adding those two pounds back to my life. 

Until next week's weigh-in.  

TGwBH

How to Shop Asos: 5 Tips Fat Girls Need to Know

Asos is one of my favorite places to shop online. In fact, it's where I do most of my shopping for cute basics and chic statement pieces. I only learned of Asos a few years ago when a co-worker hipped me to it. I only wish that someone would have given me tips on how to shop at this amazing online store. So, I want to share with you some things that I've learned about Asos Curve over the years.

1. Size Down. 

A dress I got a few years back on Asos. It is one of my favorites!  

A dress I got a few years back on Asos. It is one of my favorites!  

It is my belief that Europeans believe that fat people in America are REALLY fat. As a result, their sizing is a bit off sometimes. I ALWAYS size down. Right now, I am between a 22 and a 24 US sizes but I have never ordered a size larger than a 20 from Asos. Well, I have but I learned my lesson rather quickly. It is best practice to take a look at the sizing guide and the measurements. 

2. Trial and Error.

Unfortunately, we can't always get the sizing right or we may over/underestimate our size. That's okay. Asos is trial and error and after a few swaps of shirts, dresses and jeans/pants, you'll get it. I promise.

This leather jacket is perfect. I wear it all through the fall season. It was pricey but worth the buy.  

This leather jacket is perfect. I wear it all through the fall season. It was pricey but worth the buy.  

Speaking of swapping - Asos does not have an exchange policy. Only a return. Therefore, if you're unsure of a size - and can afford to - it would be in your best interest to purchase more than one size and return what doesn't work. The return process is SUPER easy. Every order comes with a return form and label. You have 28 days to return something. Stick it in a box/bag and ship it back. I think the whole process took a little over a week for me. Obviously, if you can't afford to have funds tied up, this might not be the best option for you. You can read the entire return policy here.

3. Catch a Sale.

I don't think I can say this enough. Asos is expensive (for good reason, though). It is always best to catch a good sale. And they ALWAYS have good sales. Sometimes, you can catch a 70% off sale and you'll find things as cheap as $10-15. In most cases, they're cute basics are pretty cheap. Anything high-fashion is probably going to cost you closer to $100+.

4. The Rivington jeggings are phenomenal.

A pair of Rivington's I got recently. They are AMAZING.

A pair of Rivington's I got recently. They are AMAZING.

I am a chunky girl. Ya'll know. These thighs are dimple-y and huge. These hips don't lie. So shopping for denim is always a chore for me. I typically stick to Torrid for all of my denim needs, but honestly, Torrid is way too expensive for me when I just need a pair of comfy jeans. So, I decided to try out the Rivington jeggings at Asos. 

Ya'll. 

They are phenomenal. They're soft, stretchy, and CAH-YUTE! They don't stretch out too much as the day goes on. They are a perfect. I think that every plus size woman with big ole hips, thighs, and butts should have at least two pair in her wardrobe. They're typically pretty inexpensive too. I just got a pair for about $40. 

5. Plan ahead.

While Asos is pretty good about their standard shipping (which is free when you spend over $40), I always recommend giving yourself some wiggle room. If you need a dress for a Friday night, it's probably best to order it at least a week and a half in advance. Asos does have a history of "forgetting" to dispatch items. So, you don't want to be caught with your pants down (lol) waiting on them. 

I hope these things are helpful! I get a lot of questions about Asos when I first introduce it to folks. They are a great options when you know how to shop there. So, head on over and get you some pieces! Let me know how it goes!

TGwBH

s.m.A.R.t goals

Sunday evenings are designated for setting goals. In most cases, they're related to everyday things like laundry, cleaning or packing lunch for the week. But in some cases, I actually plan out my fitness goals. This Sunday was one of those days. 

When it comes to fitness, it is important for me to write out S.M.A.R.T goals. For those of you who aren't familiar, the acronym is defined as Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound goals. The two hardest for me are attainable and realistic. These areas are always where I seem to go astray. I seem to set these crazy goals that even the most fit person would side eye. "Wake up at 3am every morning this week," "no eating out," "don't step on the scale." Although those things are measurable, they're pretty out of reach at this point in my life.  

It's okay for me to remember that I am easing into this things again and I'm not that slim chick from two years ago that was disciplined enough to set those kind of goals for herself.  

I used to get annoyed when my mom would call herself a realist. I always thought she was so negative. But as I got older, I understood the power of my mother's perspective on things. In situations where I'd normally stress and worry, my mom would be strategic. She had the power to see things just as they were - nothing more and nothing less. Applying this to my weight loss, I have the power to see it for what it is. Right now, I am out of shape. Nothing more and nothing less. So how do I strategically put things into place that help me move forward? Setting goals based on real things. Am I going to wake up and go to the gym every morning this week? No. I won't. But I may get up three times this week. These are realistic goals. These are attainable goals. 

S.M.A.R.T. Goals have helped me to be successful in many areas of my life but fitness is where I find them to be most important. Goal setting helps me to put a plan in action. Planning helps me to succeed. Whoever said, "failing to plan means planning to fail," was talking directly to me.  

Here we go...again. 

TGwBH  

That time Gabi, Jazzy, Dani and Chrissy broke my Internet.

I was all prepared to write something else today. In fact, I was supposed to post it yesterday, but time got the best of me.  

And then, something incredible came across my Instagram timeline. 

Ebony released this month's cover and GabiFresh, Jazmine Sullivan, Danielle Brooks and Chrisette Michele were on it. And not just on it. But they were slathered across the page in different flavors of brown and I'm sure that at the moment that picture was taken the room smelled like flowers and vanilla and maybe even a hint of coconut oil.  

And then my internet broke.  

I think it was just mine. No one else's. Immediately, I began to get text messages, IG and Facebook tags. This picture was literally all up and down my timeline. And I loved every single moment of it.  

Regardless of the #teamfit movement and the countless fat shaming bullies that come along with it, representation still matters to us fat girls. The body positive movement has sort of shifted this idea that only size 2 models are acceptable. But even in that, many times the "plus" models aren't even in double digits yet. There is still work to be done. 

Before I go on, I want to address something. I've started to see many arguments against the BPM that say that body positivity is just an excuse to be fat and that we should be okay with ourselves but not with our fat bodies.  

Let me woo-sah real quick before I go on... 

There is absolutely no reason for you not to love the fat body that you're in. Love the hell out of that body. Because loving your body runs much deeper than your rolls and stretch marks. It's about being patient and kind to yourself. And those things will lead you to a healthier lifestyle - physically, emotionally and mentally. 

Back to this GabiDaniJazzyChrissy mashup on my screen.  

This is big folks. Four beautifully curved women with thighs and booties and hips and melanin in their skin. I almost wished they released this in February. With the epic Black History Month we had it would have put the icing on the cake. But I'm okay with it being the cover for Women's History Month. 'Cause all this black girl magic on my screen...I just can't. 

When I see this picture, I think about the chunky 8th grader who is struggling with herself. Struggling to have the confidence to just be; no matter what shape or size she is. And then I picture her seeing this picture on the cover of a magazine at the grocery store and just in one look is empowered to have the confidence necessary to be herself - whatever that means to her.  

When Chrisette Michele posted the picture her caption said, "Our bodies occur to other people more than they occur to us and sometimes we have to stop and sit and talk about them. " If only that were true for everyone. She goes on to say that we should just celebrate beauty and not curves. Chrissy, baby, I'm not gonna agree with you there. We should celebrate the HELL out of curves. Especially, the ones on the front cover of Ebony magazine this month! 

TGwBH